I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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