Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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