Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
this just has baby written all over it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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