If that was your dad, he is hot
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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