he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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