I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
