Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
