Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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