I want to walk on stilts...naked
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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