Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
