Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
