We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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