What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
