The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
