I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it hurts more in the daytime
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
