so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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