I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
