You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
