her vagine was all disorganized.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
