in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
