My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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