sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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