Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
