She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
