There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
