it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
