Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
