Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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