Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she pinky promised me she was 18
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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