i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
