I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
