Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My balls are so social today.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
