this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
