well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm always down for nudity.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
