he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
