that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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