Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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