I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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