For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
