I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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