A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Floor bacon is actually really good
COCAINE IS GR8
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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