Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
