First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
