is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
