I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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