I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize