3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
