Your mouth is God's brothel.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
