I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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