i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dick very happy bro
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
