Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
