I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
