So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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