You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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