you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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