On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
