I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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