he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
