But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
