sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
