You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
