I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize